Once Upon A Time Recap: The Evil Queen

"Are people born Wicked?" said some witch in another show, "Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?" That was the theme of tonight's episode: The Evil Queen. (Uh, uh, uh! Not so fast dearies. If ye wish not to be spoiled, go no further!)

Let's begin in The Land That Was. Regina is on the hunt for Snow White, and nothing is going to stop her. She massacres an entire village because they will not give up the princess' location. When a disguised Regina returns to the site with Snow, it is deeply unsettling, and a very dark moment for this show, to see the bodies strewn on the ground, lifeless and with Wanted posters arrowed to their backs

What Regina can't wrap her mind around is how the people can be so loyal to Snow White when she is their Queen. She enlists the help of Rumplestiltskin (always a wise choice) so that she can disguise herself and go among the people. Perhaps then she will learn more about her arch-enemy's whereabouts. She is warned, though, that she will not be able to use magic or transform back without his help (which, of course, he doe not provide). When she enters a village that has strewn up an effigy of the Queen, she tries to stop them, only to be mistaken for the culprit by her own guards. She is saved, to the delight of the irony gods, by the woman she has been hunting. Snow dispatches the guards, rescues Regina, and takes her to hide in the woods where she nurses her back to health.

"Oh dear God just kill me now."

Snow tells the injured girl about the time she almost fell off a horse, and a woman saved her. As they walk through the forest, Snow White tells the "peasant girl" that she believes there is still good in Regina. Regina takes this to heart, and wonders aloud if "The Queen" were to repent and ask forgiveness, if Snow would grant it, or kill her. Snow shows the truest kindness and compassion and says that she would. That is, until they find the bodies. In a very un-Luke Skywalker-like speech, Snow realizes and declares that there's no possible hope for Regina's redemption. She is evil through and through. The cloaked Regina accidentally reveals her true self by asking about the horse incident, although in Snow's telling she never said it was Regina. Snow readies her arrow, and a powerless Regina flees. Ever the fairest, Snow lets her go.

Back in Storybrooke, Regina is planning to activate the failsafe for the Curse, one that would destroy Storybrooke and everyone in it. Using the last remaining magic bean (oh, yeah, she burned the rest of the crop), she will escape with her son back to the Land That Was and make him love her once more. Oddly, she tells Henry about her foolproof plot, only to erase his memory moments later.

"I can soooo relate."

Meanwhile, Emma bumps into Tamara at Granny's and notices something strange when she helps to pick up Tamara's spilled items. She has a list (a big list, with big print...not so stealthy, eh?) of all the names of Storybrooke's residents and their true identities. Emma begins to think that Tamara is the "She" that August was trying to warn them about before he re-youthified.

"Hi, I'll have a cup of coffee, milk, two sugars...oh, and the heads of everyone in town."

 And so, Emma and Henry renew their covert partnership, renamed Operation Praying Mantis (...oy), in order to find out exactly what she's up to. A botched reconnaissance mission at Neal's apartment leads them to a dead end. But Emma's lie detection powers are not mistaken. Tamara and Greg are up to something, and they need a helping hand in their scheme. Well...helping hook, that is.

Get it?

Regina, trying to enact her own plot, also teams up with Hook, who seems to earnestly want to renew the partnership he had with Cora. Regina leads hook to the Library and down the elevator where she recovers the failsafe. But, she needs a distraction, because a certain dragon-moprhing witch is not as dead as we thought she was.

I actually loved this idea. It shows a particularly cruel side to Regina that she would keep her most hated frenemy preserved so that she could guard Regina's most sacred treasures. First as a dragon, then as a skeleton-ghost thing. This version of Maleficent was particularly shiver-inducing. But, Hook does manage to escape, with the help of his newfound friends, Tamara and Greg. It appears that they have a bit more experience dealing with magic than we originally thought. Using the power of science, they effectively stunted Regina's powers and put one check on their list of names. They are truly coming into their own as the new villains of Season 2. I predict that they will learn about Regina's failsafe and endeavor to use it to bring about the end of magic....and the destruction of Storybooke.

That would certainly be quite a hook...ah ha..get it? A..hook....Okay I'll stop.

Overall, I think this idea of a misunderstood Regina has been played out. It worked well in the first third of the season, when she was trying to do right by Henry, and a new twist was thrown in when Cora arrived in Storybrooke, but now it's a bit tired. She needs to commit to either being good (although not necessarily accepted by the townspeople), or truly embrace the dark side. Frankly, I would like to see an anti-hero in Regina, especially up against an all-powerful Rumplestiltskin. She doesn't need to be a good guy, but she should stop playing the victim. That said, I really enjoyed seeing Regina and Rumple play off each other in this episode. Each time we see them together she is either the eager student, the defiant former pupil, or the ardent rival. But, as always, the imp seems to always have the upper hand. I also really enjoyed seeing Tamara and Greg's characters develop into a much more sinister duo than we previously thought. I am extremely eager to see how their roles play out as we enter the home stretch to the finale.

Til' next time, dearies!

- Joe

Once Upon A Time Recap: Lacey

Well hello again, dearies! I feel like it's been forever since our last OUAT recap. It's almost like stepping over the Storybrooke line, the mind resets and you kind of forget what's been happening. So here's where we stood coming in: Greg/Owen and Tamara have been revealed as cohorts in a plot to find his dad and, perhaps, reveal Storybrooke to the world. Pinocchio, for his bravery, has been turned into a little boy, but not before warning Emma and Co that danger is lurking right around the corner.

Now, back to last night. The show opens with another weird dream sequence. It's Henry's birthday and Grandpa Gold allows him to pick anything he wants in the shop. Henry chooses a wand (a weird choice for the kid who rags on magic all the time), and Gold uses it to turn him to porcelain and smashes him to bits (thus fulfilling a whole lot of fan fantasies).

I would have been happy if he just pushed his head into the cake...

Clearly he is still worried about the prophecy that Henry will be his undoing. But, back in the Land That Was, Rumplestilskin is preoccupied by someone else. You know me, I'm a big RumpBelle fan, so it was great to see more of their story unfold. We all know the Dark One is pretty bad, but something about him gleefully preparing to skin Robin Hood alive was a bit unnerving.

Who's merry now?

Belle, of course, appeals the the good in him and Rumple decides not to kill the would-be-thief. As it turns out, he only wanted the wand in order to heal a pregnant and dying Maid Marion. You could really feel that his heart was changing, especially when he gave her the pillow (to "muffle her crying") and showed her the library ("just another room to dust"). The scene where he takes the Sheriff of Nottingham's tongue for calling Belle a wench? Well....baby steps, I guess.

Back in Storybrooke, Regina is furious that no one told her about Neal being Henry's father. She decides to take it out on Mr. Gold by giving Belle her Cursed memories, giving her a new life as "Lacey". Lacey is, as much as you can be on this show, a party girl who doesn't really care about Mr. Gold or this "Belle" he keeps insisting she is. She prefers to hang out at the hitherto unknown "The Rabbit Hole".

Because nothing says "bad girl" like exposed shoulders and shooting pool.

Who knew Storybooke had a nightlife? And that there was an alternative to going to Granny's?! In any case, Belle was just starting to accept that Rumple cared for her and that he was a part of her life before she lost her memory, so the turn from princess to bad girl hit Gold pretty hard. That is...until he had another run-in with the Storybrooke version of the Sheriff, and hit him even harder. It turns out Lacey likes the bad boys, and this might just be Rumple's way to have his cake and eat it too. To keep his true love while fully embracing his dark side.

Embracing her dark side costs $40 an hour.

Meanwhile, Regina is suspicious about where Charming, Anton (hey, Hurley's back!), and the Dwarves are going every day. So, as they pull into the Rabbit Hole for a few brewskies (because now that we know it exists, of course everyone goes there!), she uses a really cool new power to trace the tire tracks back to the bean farm right at the edge of town. Will she burn the crop to keep her enemies trapped in Storybrooke? Or will she use the beans to transport herself out and start a new life?

Oh, and looky looky, Greg and Tamara have a Hooky!

Til' next time (hopefully not 6 weeks) dearies!
- Joe

Once Upon A Time Recap: "Selfless, Brave, and True"

Ah, nothing like coming back from a nice relaxing weekend to do a bit of blogging. And nothing says "The Missing Linc" more than a OUAT recap! So let's get into this week's episode: "Selfless, Brave, and True". As always, if you don't want to be spoiled like last month's bananas, you might want to avoid this post for the time being.

It seems that, according to Kitsiss and Horowitz, there's nothing like quite Phuket to run away to whilst having an existential crisis. I'm sure there's a deleted scene where August runs into Jack Shephard.

That's Chinese for "I'm Turning Into Wood"

At 8:15 am (that's 8:15 pm Storybrooke time, when Emma first enters town and time starts to move forward again) August wakes up to discover that his leg has turned back to wood. Still not quite the hero we see him become at the end of Season 1, he tries to find a way to heal himself and is led to a man known as the Dragon. But someone else is waiting for him. It looks like Neal's fiance`, Tamara, has a past that she hasn't shared with her future husband.

"Well if you think THIS is a wild story..."

Tamara, on a mission to find magic in this world, has tracked August and tricked him into getting a vial full of magic from the Dragon. The all-knowing, mysterious healer is fully aware of who Pinocchio is and where he comes from, but Tamara kills the Dragon (with a taser that I'm guessing was set to "Sith Lighting") before we find out more about him.

Is it at all wrong that I immediately thought "Mushu from Mulan"?

After a harrowing chase through the streets of Hong Kong, Tamara absconds with the vial, leaving August to further suffer the affects of being turned back into wood. However, she's not done with him yet. Following August to New York, she discovers that there is a town called Storybrooke, and that yet another man hails from the land of magic. Using the old "oops, clumsy me!" routine, she bumps into Neal and starts a relationship with him, biding her time until she can get her hands on an entire town's worth of magic.

And that brings the Stiltskin Family Love Success Rate to.....0%.

Back in Storybrooke, Snow White needs to clear her head and goes out to shoot some arrows, one of which finds its way directly into Pinocchio's leg. He cannot face the shame of returning to Storybrooke in his wooden state, despite Snow's insistence that there are people there who care about him. A visit from Tamara, who promises him a bit of healing potion in return for his exile, causes August to turn tail and run, until he discovers that she has been lying. Before he can warn his friends, Tamara once again sets her taser to 11 and fries August to a crisp (if you listen carefully, you can hear him whimper "Don't tase me, bro!"). But fear not, August fans! Because his last act was to attempt to warn Emma and Co., he was deemed selfless, brave, and true by the Blue Fairy and turned back into a hunky, dreamy....

....Oh. Never mind.

Unable to remember what he was going to tell them, Pinocchio walks off with Geppetto and the Blue Fairy, ready to give being a good little boy one more try. Meanwhile, Greg Mendell, aka Owen, has just had an encounter with Regina who warns him not to continue his search for his father. At the end of the episode, he receives a knock at the door. And the person on the other side is none other than: HER!

Behold: HER!

So, it aaall comes out! Tamara is in league with Owen, but what are their true intentions? Are they simply out to find his father? To gain access to magic? Or maybe they're just working together to accomplish their respective goals. It looks like the biggest threat to Storybrooke didn't come from Cora, but will instead come from our world. As we enter the home stretch to the finale, we'll find out more about their true plans in just....wait....what?.... THREE WEEKS?!

"Son of a..."

'Til then, dearies!

-Joe